☤ thirty-seven

[as_damaged]

I have my husband's sperm. Frozen.

Comments

[thenormalsquint]

Well, that's an interesting conversation starter.

[as_damaged]

I'd like to be a mother someday. Not yet, but eventually, when I'm ready; and I thought, if I never find anyone else...

[thenormalsquint]

...you'd have the genes of somebody you wouldn't mind being spiritually linked to through another soul for the rest of your life. I understand that completely.

[as_damaged]

I'm not good at letting go.

I wouldn't normally just... say this.

[thenormalsquint]

There's nothing wrong with having a hard time letting things go, especially of someone you loved. Just don't let it stop you from experiencing something new down the line.

You know, if you do find a guy to be with, don't ignore what he can offer you over what you have left of your husband.

[as_damaged]

I'd like to think I wouldn't.

[thenormalsquint]

I'd like to think so too.

[as_damaged]

Though I have to admit... I can't imagine being ready to give it up, either. That last tie to the man I married.

[thenormalsquint]

Some people keep their spouses jewelry and clothes. Sperm is a little different, but no less important.

[as_damaged]

I'm not ashamed of it, or anything like that. It's just a private matter. Usually, at least.

[thenormalsquint]

Usual things aren't usual here. And yeah, I agree this isn't the perfect icebreaker topic, but... it's a little something that's a part of you.

[as_damaged]

I think I might have spoken more about my husband in the time I've been here than the past few years, at home.

[thenormalsquint]

He was important enough to marry. I don't see a problem with talking about him.

[as_damaged]

Some things you don't talk about because they don't matter; other things matter too much to bring up, you know?

[thenormalsquint]

Tell me about it. But sometimes, it helps to bring it up with someone. Holding everything inside forever isn't healthy.

[as_damaged]

I think you're right. Sometimes. Other times... I think now and then keeping quiet lets you feel closer to what you've lost. But it's not a simple balance to find.

[thenormalsquint]

There's a lot of things I don't tell Brennan, just because. I love her and she's my best friend, but every girl needs her secrets. Learning how to share myself and keep some of myself to me is a lifelong lesson.

[as_damaged]

The City doesn't seem to like secrets; which I suppose makes them all the more precious.

[thenormalsquint]

True. I'm just grateful mine have stayed secrets so far.

[as_damaged]

I can certainly sympathize with that.