☤ thirty-seven

[as_damaged]

I have my husband's sperm. Frozen.

Comments

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I know what losing someone can be like.

You can't be sure of anything, but if I--had that massive heart attack, I think I'd be hopeful that the person I loved might find happiness and raise kids with someone who hadn't been dead for nearly ten years.

[as_damaged]

I didn't mean to say you didn't; I was just trying to explain my thoughts at the time. Preparing for the end... looking beyond it wasn't a priority for me, and I needed something to hold on to.

I think he'd want the same thing; and I'm not keeping it because I don't want to find someone else, or because I'm afraid of being disloyal to his memory. I may not date much, but it isn't as though I've been celibate since he passed away. I just find it... reassuring. Knowing that I have the option, if I ever decide I'm ready and I'm alone.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

You don't want to let go of the possibilities you had with him. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as they're just possibilities, not your plan.

Even if it might sound like a pretty bleak outlook to anyone not in your position.

[as_damaged]

More of a backup plan, I suppose. I'll admit... sometimes I'm not sure I want to give up on the idea.

It's complicated. But I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy.