as_damaged | ☤ thirty-seven

Well, that sounds like a rational course of action to enable impregnation. I presume your husband is either deceased or been rendered infertile?

He passed away. Cancer. Shortly after we were married, actually.

I'm sorry to hear that. At least if you choose to use his sperm to have a child, a part of him will live on. Do you think you might?

I'm not certain. I think I'd prefer not to be a single mother; I'd like to imagine I'd be a good parent either way, but I'd be happier with a more traditional family. So really it's dependent on whether or not I find myself in a long-term relationship, when I do feel ready to have a child.

I understand.

I'm curious. You seem like a rational, self-sufficient career woman. Is having children something you've always felt like you'd one day like to have, and would you go through it even if it definitively meant being a single mother? I mean, surely you must have considered the possibility when you had your husband's sperm frozen?

I think so. If I hadn't felt I would eventually want a child, I don't think I would have been so driven to preserve the opportunity. But I suppose I can't be certain; I won't know until I feel ready to compromise the advancement of my career in favor of starting a family. Not to imply that the two are mutually exclusive-- but I wouldn't be able to keep up with my current job, certainly.

Your words imply you're almost certain such a day will come, when you'll give up your career for children. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, several women choose to make that decision. I was merely interested in knowing how exactly does one tell when is the most optimal time for such a decision. It's all so very nonspecific.

I'm not sure I can answer with as much precision as you'd like. There are rational considerations, of course-- I'd want to make certain I'd be financially secure, that, if I were still working, I would be able to comfortably divide my time between pursuits. But the emotional considerations are just as important, and harder to quantify.

I'm not sure there is an optimal time, necessarily. Right now my career satisfies me, in terms of planning for the future. At some point it might not. I can't say when that will occur, only that it hasn't yet.

It's hard to be precise about the future, understandably. That was, I imagine, as precise as one can be about something as life-altering as having progeny.

I think so. If nothing else... having options is generally better than not having options, to look at it from a rational perspective.

I'm going to guess that you don't have any children? Have you ever considered it?

That is true.

No, I do not have any children myself, and I have never really felt any specific desire or need to have any, but lately... I've noticed that I have begun to consider the idea as a possibility, one day. But there are several questions attached to the issue I would have to resolve, first. And it may all simply be an emotional reaction to the baby-related incidents the City has sprung on the citizens lately that have been difficult to ignore.

It may sound trite to say never say never, but I've always found it to be good advice. I think it's normal for even the staunchest attitudes to change, as circumstances do. When my husband was dying-- when we decided to freeze his sperm-- I think I believed, at least in part, that I'd never remarry; as time went on and the grief became less overwhelming I've reconsidered that position. As an example.

I can see how being here might bring up the issue in an unfamiliar way. It's interesting, how the curses affect us in the long term... Obviously becoming a parent isn't a decision to undertake lightly, but I don't think there's anything wrong with being open to the possibility. Even if you ultimately elect not to.

☤ thirty-seven

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please forgive the lateness of my reply! D:

oh, no worries!

^_^

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