as_damaged | ☤ thirty-eight

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☤ thirty-eight

It occurred to me recently that it's almost a year since that monster attacked; which means I've been here over a year. I suppose the date was some time in February; I didn't do anything to commemorate it, or even think about it too much until now.

It's strange though, to think about the passage of time here-- the thought that all of this experience will simply disappear, eventually, when we're allowed to leave. How we choose to lead our lives here is only relevant as long as we remain. I wonder how different I am now from the person I'll be in a year of real time.

Questions without answers, really.

[Private to Angela]

I said it the other day, I know, but-- given that I was cursed... Thank you, again.

[EDIT; off to bed & picking up tags tomorrow dearhearts <3]

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Do you have a preference----remembering or forgetting?

I think it's a moot point. I don't believe there's any chance I'd remember.

[ a pause ]

Not believing you will and not wanting to are a bit different.

~~The monster----the one with all the --- never mind.~~

Anyway, I don't think you need to commemorate the length of time you've been here. Though it's good to keep track of some sort.

Knowing it's impossible makes it difficult to wish otherwise. I'm not sure I'd want to, it would make it difficult to readjust to reality.

It's surprising, in all honesty, how quickly it's passed. Before I became accustomed to the curses, those days seemed much longer.

You're welcome. I hope you really do like it and you weren't just giving me stoner compliments.

~~I can understand that.~~ That's true.

Well, I'm glad that you've been able to adapt--as much as people can--anything to make things more manageable.

I meant it. It's beautiful. You're very talented.

Given time and lacking other options, people can adapt to nearly any situation. The City is particularly frustrating, because of its unpredictability... but I think even that becomes commonplace, even if the specific curses don't.

How long has it been for you, now?

For some people the City is a bleak place with little to offer, but in the minority--as far as I can tell--of those who see it as a grace, I would say that I think even happiness is something people can have here. It comes and goes, but that's not so different from where most of us come from originally.

Curses seem to go back and forth just as much---from harmless and silly to unnerving and terrible, but like you said, even that unpredictability becomes somewhat expected.

It was a year this past November.

Edmund isn't----

But he's come back before.

...

So a year and a half now, or nearly.

I don't think it's impossible to be happy here. More difficult, perhaps, if only because we can claim so little control over our lives-- even simple things, like being able to schedule an appointment without worrying about turning into a duck-- but that's not insurmountable.

Yes, but I was here even before that. I don't recall it though. The others do, however.

...and have you turned into a duck before?

Thank you. I have a digital copy of it if you want that too.

Until someone from the future shows up.

Are you speaking to me?

I'm not sure I'd count time I didn't remember at all in my experience.

I've never turned into a duck, but I've seen a number of people end up as animals. A duck seems as likely as anything else.

It probably isn't necessary, unless you want to send it. It's too bad there isn't a way to take it home, whenever I do leave.

I'm not not speaking to you.

The fact that we can read here debunks the theory that this is all just a dream. So whatever it is classifies as slightly more real than a dream, leaning to reality.

What would you call real time?

The theory that it's a dream stopped appealing to me quite some time ago. I think treating it as a sort of reality, albeit with some qualifications, is the most rational way of dealing with being stuck here.

For my purposes the awareness of a tangible reality outside the one I'm currently in compromises the ultimate reality of time spent here. It isn't real because any change, physical or mental, that occurs here will be undone instantaneously upon exiting the City.

Monster?

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☤ thirty-eight

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