as_damaged | ☎ voicemail

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☎ voicemail

❝You've reached Allison Cameron, please leave a message.❞

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[ooc: you know the drill, if you need her and there's no recent post &c &c. whatever. ♥♥♥]

[Thus the difference between Cameron and Angela. Angela does everything flashy, preferably with fireworks, a band, color guards and confetti. Her death will go down in history books as the big party ever.]

Oh God. I'm sorry.

[She really is and it shows in the way Angela covers her gasp with her hands. Losing Kirk tore at Angela for weeks. Seeing his skull laid out on a crumb-laden paper plate haunted her nights for even longer. That was murder, one she still hopes was quick and painless. Cancer is a slow trial that not only kills the victim but those who love them. God knows if Angela would have had the strength to stick around when she was in college. Cameron just gained a new level of respect from Angela.]

Did you know... before?

That he was sick? [Something in the look she levels at the other woman implies her assent, though she can't bring herself to nod. She's thought about her marriage more, here, than she has in years; the City likes to dig it up, teasing her with her past and her future alike. The photo on her shelf, the ring on Chase's finger. There's more, so much more that she can't bring herself to explain-- not now, not here, and not to her; because they aren't friends even if they're speaking civilly. But it's a start.]

I loved him. [It was enough then. The only reason she questions whether it would be enough, again, is that she's lived it; she's not sure if she could walk with a double weight of loss, if things go wrong again.] And... he needed me.

[Angela nods, clearly catching the non-verbal response. No words are needed. She knows how the City likes to play jokes with horrible memories. They've kept her up at night here on more than a handful of occasions.]

Kirk wanted me. I wouldn't let him have me except for three weeks out the year. Every year during week two, he would either ask me to move cross country with him or marry him. I always told him no and gave him some excuse when I knew damn well I just didn't want to settle down. For the longest, I thought that maybe if I did settle, we wouldn't have taken that vacation and maybe he wouldn't have gotten killed and maybe he would still be alive today.

[There's uncertainty behind Angela's look. On the outside, she looks just like somebody retelling a painful past should look and that's how she feels. On the inside, however, she's not sure why she's telling this to Cameron, of all people. Not even Robert knows this much about Kirk; he knows that Angela lost somebody close to her, but not the specifics about the murder. But she's on a roll and she's already said this much. She might as well finish things out.]

I don't live in the past now. When he--Robert--asked, I jumped. I like him, to state the obvious. He makes me happy. [He gives her something to hold on to when one by one, everybody she cares about leaves.] But I don't want there to be hard feelings between us. If I were in your position, I'd feel the same as you, but still, no hard feelings. We didn't get off to such a hot start, but I hope you find somebody that makes you happy too.

I'm sorry.

[There's no comparison between the two; sudden loss isn't any better or any worse, in her estimation, than the slow inevitability of a terminal disease. Angela lost someone she clearly, truly cared about; it's a point of similarity and sympathy. Maybe she'd feel better if she could hate the other woman, but she doesn't. She can't.]

I don't have any right to resent you.

[That's pure truth. She does, a little; though she's trying not to dwell on it, not to let her doubts get the better of her. This calls for another polite lie, though; things aren't that simple. Chase is the first person she's been attracted to in a long time that she ever had a chance with; and it took time she hopes she won't have here before she became comfortable enough to admit any degree of attraction to him, much less affection. Dating felt like a betrayal of sorts, and though she'd tried here and there over the years, her relationships always died before they began. Falling for men who couldn't or wouldn't return her interest became a safe habit; you can't lose something you don't have, or feel guilty about something you haven't done.]

[There are very few people Angela hates in the world and, likewise, Cameron is and will never be on that list. Not over a man, at least.

The computer scan is done and Angela silently sets the system to reboot and starts preparing to leave for the second time today. The air doesn't necessarily feel clear, but at least there's a minor break in the fog. The rest requires times.]

I meant what I said. Take a chance. Go with the flow. Break the rules. Have fun with it. If you're too busy worrying about what the end is, you'll miss everything in between. Forever is a long time and you might not even live that long. Nobody has that long.

[Back on the path through the exit, Angela nods and smiles slightly to Cameron. She could walk out right now and never speak to the other woman again, but there's just one last thing Angela needs to say before the door closes behind her.]

And don't be too hard on Robert. This wasn't easy for him either.

[Because now, when she gets home, Angela has to deal with him and his intended plan for tonight. Somebody will be upset to hear that this meeting ruined her light mood and she'll have to take a raincheck on things. Talk about not being easy.]

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